Donnie Blackjack

When behind, hit.

Always split pairs.

Double-down whenever possible.

Never, ever, surrender.

Tip cocktail waitress well. Never thirst.

You are never down. Ride it out.

When up, make as much noise as possible.

When down, make as much noise as possible.

Sandals preach confidence.

Untucked Hawaiian shirts are a big hit with the ladies.

Never shave twice in the same week.

Wear reading glasses low on nose. Look over them at other players. This makes you look intelligent.

Systematically wave to the crowd every fifteen minutes.

Always have cigar in mouth. Never smoke it.

Stay awake. Sleeping at the table costs you money.

Announce to world that you will "own this place by midnight".

Complain to pit boss that the casino is low on $5,000 chips.

Find most centrally-located high roller table. Laugh at players currently there.

Sit down at table. Catch waitress for drink before playing first hand.

Never be weak. Go all in, first hand.

Should #5 fail, get marker. Go all in.

Should #6 fail, get marker. Go all in.

Should #7 fail, play nickel video poker remainder of trip.

Tell cigar lady she's "pretty as a picture".

Ask everyone, "How you doin'?"

Say "I look goooood" at least once per hour.

When broke after fifteen minutes of play, say "Tom, we were going partners, right?"

When down big and girlfriend calls on cell phone, mumble "Everything's OK. I'm about even."

When up big and girlfriend calls on cell phone, mumble "Everything's OK. I'm about even." Eye sports book from across the room.

Immediately deposit entire sum at the sports book.

When #1 fails, return to tables.

Repeat steps #1 and #2 until out of money.

If there's a line, bet it.

Call buddy every thirty minutes for advice. Ignore advice.

Only room in 6,000 square foot penthouse suites, or larger.

Use room only for quick "refresher" showers. Return to tables.

Never sleep in room. Sleep at tables.

When leaving, complain that room was much better at other casino.

Stay at same table as much as possible. The rest of Vegas is boring.

Consider hitting the casino's dance club. Look at self. Return to tables.

Wear same clothes entire trip so casino staff will recognize you.

When dining at most expensive restaurant in casino, order two of everything on menu. Eat steak with ketchup. Leave rest. Return to tables.

Get front row tickets to best show in Vegas. Get bored 45 minutes into show. Leave. Return to tables.

Never walk more than 20 feet outside of the casino without taking a limo. If limo is more than 50 feet away, take a cab to that limo.